As I sit here and think about how crazy this past three weeks have been I really have not stopped running. I spent way to many hours in the rink. It’s been tough. 

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster because I have been sooooo tired but let me tell you something. Looking back on it there was some positive moments that have helped me be extremely happy and grateful today. Here they are. 

1) deleted the number of an individual who didn’t deserve my time anymore. I have come to terms that if someone isn’t willing to put the effort in why should I. 

2) I had a glass of wine (may have been a bottle the glasss was realllllly big) and I cried my heart out while watching a sappy chick flick while laying in my onesie. This was probably my best decision Saturday evening after a 12 hour day at the rink. I have trouble letting my emotions out. I let them build inside and I don’t let it out. I give and give to everyone but myself that Saturday night I just broke down. When my bestfriend said she’d come pick me up after sending a picture of mascara running down my face and a glass of one I said no I needed to do this. Truth be told I needed to be alone. I needed to let it all out. I needed to stop masking my feelings. I needed to just be. It really helped me as I woke up the next day feeling relaxed and ready to take on the day. 

3) I got my workouts in. I worked hard this week. I did them alone where the world goes away and all you have to focus on is your workout. Never miss a Monday or a Friday I say. I got a buddy workout in which included girl talk and a sauna which was extremely relaxing. And as always I got my training session in with josh and we worked some magic and I felt my hand again for another 26 hours! Crazy what exercise can do! 

4) I had pizza and wings with the girls! Although a short visit it always takes the stress of the day/week when you sit down for food with the ones who let you be you no judgement and just be! 

5) Finally I took small moments throughout the day to read. I’m still reading the desire map and it is amazing.

I hope you have a great Super Bowl weekend. Remember it is okay to be alone. You don’t need anyone! You are strong and independent and can take on the world. It is okay to cry and feel like you need someone to help you back up. But you got this. Nobody can live your life. Nobody fully understands what you go through day in day out. There will be those special people who are there every step of the way and those people are the real MVPs. They will be there when you show the door to those people who aren’t benefitting your life. It’s difficult to close doors but sometimes it’s the best and one day you’ll realize closing the door left room for something bigger and better. 

Happy flex Friday! Xox 

We have all heard the saying stop and smell the roses but it took a whole new meaning for me yesterday. 

We really need to stop and think about all the small things we take for granted. I have not felt normal sensations through my hand in almost 23 months. I have not moved my hand in that many months. Recently we got my fingers moving slightly with a lot of focus and muscle power.  Yesterday while working out at the gym something happened. (We aren’t fully sure what but something clicked) Sensation came back to my hand and movement was almost effortless. I could feel different textures. I could feel the cold of the kettle bell the foam of the TRx bands the roughness of the turf. Alll things I had felt a million times before with my left hand but seemed to have not noticed. 

It was eye opening to have this feeling.  I felt everything yesterday I touched the snow. I felt warm water on my hand in the shower. I felt different fabrics I touched the walls the cars wet dry hot cold I took it all in. It really was overwhelming. These are things we do every day. Things I touch every day but never noticed. 

We go through life so fast that we don’t notice the small things. We measure progress from week to week or month to month. We don’t stop and see the difference a day can make. One day, one moment can change your life. In one moment it can be taken away and in one moment it can all come back. 

I challenge you like I challenge myself to embrace those small things we take for granted. The ability to get out of bed in the morning. Both physically and mentally get out of bed and get through the day. We all have our issues. We all have our struggles. But in the end we all can be the best version of our selves if we put the time and effort in. 

Wake up earlier Start your morning with reading for fifteen minutes instead of rushing through your morning routine. Workout the power of exercise is incredible. Exercise has changed my life. It has brought me the ability to walk. It brought me the ability to feel. It brought me the ability to have confidence in myself I never thought I would have. Exercise is life changing and the greatest mood changer you will ever find. Take that vacation. Buy that new outfit. Treat yourself and embrace each day you are given. As cliche as it is tomorrow isn’t promised so you have one day twenty four hours to make the best out of it. 

Smell those roses and really think about the things you do each day. Stop rushing through life and going through the motions really do things you love and do them with a passion that lights a fire in you! 

A workout selfie from before the gym session that was extra special  because the video of my hand moving wouldn’t load. 

Xox

Recently I have been trying to shift my line of thinking to how I want to feel in life and what I am doing each day to reach that feeling. Sure we can all say we want to be happy but what does that mean. 

Most of us made resolutions in 2017 and probably related to health and fitness. Things like the number on the scale, the number of inches or how many times you could do a pull up. I made these goals. I want to be able to do a pull up so bad!  But deep down there has to be more to the goal than doing a pull up. It’s how you will feel when you hit that pull up. If you picked a goal weight why did you pick that weight. Did you pick it to be more confident. Did you pick it to feel happier. It’s a feeling we should be chasing not a number. A number will constantly distract us from the progress  we are making and the feeling of achieving something you couldn’t do. 

It is great to have goals. But we should shift our focus to how we will feel when we reach those milestones. Let me tell you a little story. I was told multiple times that I would never walk again. So my goal was always to walk again and prove them wrong. I worked extremely hard and I cried and I got angry and I was frustrated but the reward the first time was amazing feeling the freedom of walking again. The second time I was told I wouldn’t walk again I held on to that feeling of freedom I had the first time I learned to walk again and knew that I would achieve that again. I held that feeling of achieving something that someone said I would never do and transferred it to skating. Which was the best day of my life. 

The feeling of achieving something you or someone else thought you wouldn’t do is the best feeling in the world but it’s only worth it if you are happy. So stop chasing the number on the scale or the look of the lady on the magazine. Sit down and ask yourself the tough questions. What do you have to do in order to make yourself happy? What steps can you take to have the best life? What does the best life look like? Where do you see yourself at the end of the year and how will you feel when you get there? Chase more that superficial goals and dreams dig deep make it worth while!! 

Be selfish love yourself and do it all for you! Strive for the feeling of overwhelming happiness! Be happy. Don’t stop until you are happy. But don’t be hard on yourself. You are a work in progress. You get one life live it to the fullest. Never give up! 

Here’s my thoughts on this and how I plan on living 2017. Be selfish. Love yourself and make yourself number one. 

Yes we all have commitments, we have jobs and families and friends and we spend our days giving and giving but do we give ourselves the same in return that we give everyone else. 

Most of us do not. We go through the motions we run ourselves crazy and we don’t take time for ourselves. So think about it…right now are you in a place right now that makes you completely happy or are you just rolling through life?  What can you do right now to put yourself first! You don’t have to make a hundred changes but try and make a few small changes every day to get you to a place that makes you happy. 

For example start each day with reading a book! My first book of 2017 is Desire Map. Which so far is amazing and has told me to stop dreaming start doing which is definately something I need to put into practice. Maybe a work out to start your day can help you find an inner happiness and self love.  Maybe it’s saying no to all your commitments for a day and staying in bed giving yourself that time to regroup. 

We are the most important person in our lives. Without you life doesn’t happen. A friend reminded me of this today. It is very important to love ourselves be selfish even when society tells us that we shouldn’t. Society tells us to go to school get a job start a family and constantly give. Never when growing up do we hear how important it is to take care of ourselves until something happens and we are required to make changes like getting sick! 

Who’s with me on being selfish and taking time for ourselves. Make the small changes necessary and find your happiness! Channel your inner Meredith Grey! 

This reminder I saw this morning really inspired me. Time is constantly moving forward. The days and weeks will continue whether you are ready for it or not. But why let it pass you by. Every small step forward can equal something big at the end of the day, week or year. 

I have constantly struggled with this concept and thought I was moving backwards and never forward or I wasnt moving fast enough in the right direction. Rehabilitation, self love, exercise, healthy living it’s all a journey. It’s nothing that can be achieved over night, in a week or a month. It’s a constant process. I currently am coming up on 22 months post paralysis and I still do not have full function in my wrist and hand but it is a heck of a lot better than it was! It takes time and patients. 

My hope for 2017 is to constantly move forward each day. And my hope for those reading this that you do just the same. Do something each day that you love, make small changes to your health and be present in your life. Spend more times with your friends and family and for the things you love! 

My goal for 2017 is to give myself the benefit of doubt I give everyone else. I deserve the same amount of chances as everyone else. If my body says I need to take a break I need to understand that is my body’s way of recovering and it will bring me closer to my goals instead of beating myself up for needing an extra rest day. I challenge you to join me in this goal of loving yourself. One of the best things I ever did was realize that I need to do what makes me happy and by doing so I have gotten rid of unnecessary drama, I have lost friends, but in the end I have found a better self. I have surrounded myself with the best friends I could ask for. I have been more present and have gotten to spend time doing activities I love. 

So cheers to 2017! Let’s make it the best year yet! Soo much to look forward to!! 

2016 what a year of change. 

When I entered 2016 I was completely different that I am now but I have definately changed for the better. I am exiting 2016 extremely happy! 

Here is what I learned…both physically and mentally made some big changes 

1. I learned to move my hand, do a push up from my toes, run, skate and have become much stronger! 

2. I have learned to not care as much about what others think about me and have made my circle much smaller and I love it. 

3. I learned to lookout for number 1. You cannot be happy if you are always trying to make everyone else happy. You have to make yourself happy and when you can make yourself happy the people around you will be happy to. 
4. Keep your circle small. The happiest days of 2016 were spent with my closest and dearest friends. I exit 2016 with less friends than I started with but I am okay with that because the friends I leave 2016 with are the best a girl could ask for and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Friends really have become family. As for the friends I leave behind in 2016 I have come to terms with it and have decided that if I am not happy and spending more time pretending I’m someone I am not it’s not worth it. 

5. I have found mental and physical wellbeing. I started working out more regularly almost daily. Finding myself was the best thing I could have done in 2016. I have gotten myself in better shape. I have found self love. I look into a mirror and love myself not totally because of my weight loss but because I feel so much better starting my day off with a workout instead of multiple cups of coffee. 

6. I have experienced life and travelled. Watched some racing. Saw a concert. Camped. Hiked. Had a few too many drinks a couple of nights.  All in all the people I was with made those experiences ten times better!  

7. I am learning the life of an adult and not a student. I started this year off as a student upgrading my education and have ended it as a registered health care provider and couldn’t be prouder. It was one of my biggest accomplishments passing that exam. Transitioning into adulthood has had its ups and down. I have had a great job and a not so great job. I have missed school but I have not missed school it’s been interesting. 

8. I have learned that life is short and you must keep living it. We can’t spend all our time trying to please everyone else. We got to focus our energy on ourselves and those that truly matter. Healthy relationships are give and take not take take take! 

9. I have learned that it’s okay to make mistakes and fall down but only if you are willing to get back up and brush yourself off and keep going. Life is hard but you are stronger. 

10. I have learned to love and open myself up to people who deserve it. I am willing to take a leap and be the best I can be for those around me. I want to share my story and help to inspire those around me. I want to give back to those who have given me so much to get where I am today. 

2017 is going to be the best year yet I know it. 

Taking the small steps to love myself and get working out and giving myself a healthy life I have given myself a great life. The balance I have found between exercise and healthy eating with good times and nights out with the girls has made me happier than I could ever imagine. 

Picking 9 photos to sum up 2016 was extremely difficult. 

But at the end of the day the people who made this picture are the reason I have had such a great 2016 and sum up the best times. 

Girls nights. Park days. Weddings. Baseball. University. Country music. Racing. 

Happy new year everyone! Hope 2016 was great whether best year of your life or you learned important lessons take what it was and start 2017 on the right track. When the clock strikes 12 Saturday night you have 365 more days to write the next chapter in your life so do what makes you happy and spend time with those that you love. 

Have you ever just sat down and thought wow how the times have changed. How in the moment life doesn’t feel like it’s changing and then all of a sudden you sit down and life is completely different. 

If you have been following my journey you know that life can change in an instant. One minute you are rocking your internship and about to start a career and the next you are in a hospital bed reevaluating your life and what your purpose is.  Life has also changed for the better to one minute I am rolling along life and now I am living each and every moment with friends who have become family. 

This past week I hit some major goals. Some I never thought were even possible. I went skating for the first time in six years. For the first time since being told I’d never skate again. I have also had a small part of me not believe the doctors when they say that I mean I did keep my skates on a shelf for all these years. Stepping onto that ice was honestly one of the best moments I have ever experienced. High up there with learning to walk again and again and leaving the hospital. 

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Now the moral of the story is this. Life is going to happen whether you are ready for it or not. We also only get one life to live so why do anything that doesn’t make you happy. Invest in yourself. Don’t let anyone stop you from living your dreams. If you want to skate then work your butt off and reach those goals. You and only you are in control of what you do. You have to live for yourself and be happy. 

Never give up. Strive for greatnesss and greatness is where you will be. When you reach greatness and find happiness with yourself and where you are and where you are going everything else will fall into place. Whether that be relationships or a career or achieving those goals. Just be happy and do you! 

I can’t speak for you I can only speak on my experience but I can tell you when you make the mental shift to living a more positive life and loving yourself your dreams come true. I decided to put myself first and the results have been crazy. I skated. I lost 25lbs and 24 inches. I am happier. I have the best girls you could ask for. I have found a place where I belong and feel at home! 

So with New Years around the corner decide to love yourself and do something for you. Reach for your goals! 

Little #throwbackthursday picture for you. This is how far I have come on pure perserverence determination and the love and support of my family and friends! 

Merry Christmas everyone!! 

This week was an interesting one it flew by I didn’t even realize it was Friday! 

Anyways I learned an important lesson this week from one of my clients and I thought I would share it and my thoughts on it. 

He told me to stop waiting. He said he spent his entire life putting things off and putting things off until he retired and once he retired things piled up and health conditions set in and he did not get to do anything on his list. He told me if I can give you anything it’s this. Make sure you don’t wait. If you want to do something go and do it right now. Later isnt promised! 

He’s very right. Later doesn’t ever come so why do we constantly say “I’ll do it later…tomorrow I’ll start that program”. NO do it now!  I have been trying to do this more. Usually on Fridays I push my workout until after work so I can sleep in. But why wait when I wake up anyways. This morning I did my workout in the morning and now I don’t have to worry about fitting it in before the Christmas party fun tonight! 

A lady this morning reminded me again of this important message. The clients at one of the places I go for work were watching a documentary on China. She looked at me and said I’d have loved to go to china but every day something else happens. She said she regretted the time she wasted to live her days now wishing. 

We live in a society that loves to procrastinate and is constantly going fast to no where. We need to reconsider this and take the time to do what we want. I know I do not want to be living in a home regretting what I could have done. 

If you are sitting there thinking New Years is around the corner I’ll start my resolution then. Why wait!? Why not start right now. Get a two week jump start on everyone else waiting until January 1st. 

Give it a shot. Do what you want. Love yourself and treat yourself. You are number 1. 

Have you ever heard the saying “I’d rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies” Think about it. 

I have always been a pleaser. I have been the person that gives and gives and no matter how the other treated me I would still give them 110% of myself. Lately, I have come to realize that this is not the way to live. 

The number one person in your life is you! You need to be selfish you need to think about your happiness. We cannot give everyone 110% because there will be nothing left for ourselves. We will never be able to please everyone so why try?  

Here’s the thing I have come to learn and have recently been reminded of. If we take the time to love ourselves and look after ourselves we will have the energy to give 110% to those that deserve it. When we decide to keep positive people around and people who uplift you on your journey your mindset changes and you become happier. 

In life is it more important that you are happy or that everyone around you is happy? I hope you answered yourself. Do that workout, drink that glass of wine and do you! 

Being able to do this all comes with letting go of the negative. Keep your circle small. Keep those around you to a minimum. If you have a few gems your life will be so full you won’t need more! The smaller your circle the less stress you have on pleasing everyone. The less stress you have on fitting everyone into your schedule and the less you have to give. 

The circle you choose should be those who share the same values and joys in life that you do. The circle should support you and comfort you when you need. The circle should let you make mistakes without judgment and help you out after. The circle should always have your back and stand by you. 

Life isn’t about having the most friends this isn’t a popularity contest.  Life is about finding the few that will have your back and be there for you…the real you. No pretending because they have seen you at your best and have seen you at your worst! These friends may not be the friends you have known the longest but they are the ones that came in at the right time and never left! 

Keep your circle small and your heart full of love. Trust me it’s not worth it and we all need to reminded that sometimes friendships move on. Everyone comes into your life for a reason some just aren’t meant to stay but those that do! They are the real deal! 

Shout out to my circle! Love you girls to the moon and back! 

December 3rd: International Day of Persons with Disabilities

Why does this day mean something to me you might ask? Why should someone celebrate such a day?

Well let me share with you!

Being a person with a physical disability and struggles sometimes invisible to the eye has been a lot to deal with. Perceptions in society about people with disabilities are not always the best. Some say you are too young, some say you will never get that dream job, some say you probably won’t finish school, and some just say your life will never be the same.

This is not the case. An individual with a disability can live the life they always wanted, they are successful, and they achieve their dreams and goals. Sure sometimes you have to adjust but you have one life to make the most of your life.

One thing that I struggled with the most when dealing with my knee and recovering from my flare up was that I always assumed that people saw only my knee or only my disability that nobody knew who I was. I started to identify as the cripple, I didn’t know who I was without my disability. I didn’t know what people were thinking of me without my disability. I wondered if they would think of me the same way if I wasn’t disabled. This put a lot of stress on myself. I remember trying to live the normal university life and going to to the bar with my friends on crutches and guys using my knee as an ice breaker/pick up line. This turned me off and I would usually crutch away but I wondered if they saw anything else. I would wear low cut shirts to see if they would look up a little more instead of at me knee.

I remember mall walking with my friend during our breaks at school and having people walk up to me, some even from across the hall just to say things like “ouch” or “im so sorry” These phrases drove me up the wall. First “ouch” is not the appropriate thing to say to someone who is living in pain. We know it hurts we don’t need the reminder even if its just from you, because let me tell you there was probably six others who said the same thing. Second “I’m so sorry” this phrase still to this day drives me bonkers. What are you sorry for? I get it its human instinct to tell someone they are sorry there life is not “normal” but what is normal? Also there is nothing you can do to change it and you did nothing to cause it so please don’t feel sorry for me.

As a person with a disability I pride myself in accomplishments. Walking across the stage to receive my first diploma in 1/2 inch heels was one highlight I will never forget. Although my knee was taped into place so I didn’t have to wear my knee brace I felt free for a couple of hours. Seeing as I was having knee surgery 12 days later it did not really matter what happened that day except that I feel like I had accomplished something huge.

University was a struggle, as I was on crutches, a wheel chair or a cane the majority of the time. The campus was not accessible, I was a Kinesiology student, most classes were not accessible. I spent a lot of time on the sidelines, but I will never forget the classes I was included in, wheelchair basketball, adapted baseball, and a swimming class! University was tough I wrote exams on my lap, high on pain medication, and in seriously uncomfortable posisitions. I studied and did homework at the fracture clinic, in between naps from all the medication. I am not saying I didn’t want to drop out. I did want to drop out a number of times. I would not be where I am today without the help of my amazing professors and the class of 2014!

Without my experience, I would not have a new found appreciation for accessibility and advocacy for accessibility. I would not have thought up and designed my fourth year thesis and I would not be the person I am today. University helped me fight!

Finishing college in the hospital taught me that anything really is possible if you want it bad enough. I did not want to waste an entire year of my life because in the last month I was stuck in a hopsital. I finished every assignment that needed to be done without using the extensions that were given. I struggled to write with one hand before finding Dragon naturally speaking, nurses helped to finish writing and make sure things made sense it was a group effort but I was proud to say I did it!

Putting my pride aside and going back to Lakehead after my experience at the hopsital was tough. Having to take a program for a year just to determine if your limitations would allow you to proceed with attempting to find a career in Kinesiology was a scary thought. After our first practical weekend I cried my body was so tired I just wasn’t sure. The second, third and fourth though went much better with less tears.

Life keeps going no matter the struggles you are faced. Just learn to find your fight and success awaits.

Society will put a number of barriers up in front of you just be willing to knock them down one at a time. We live in a world where anything away from the normal is not okay and that we should feel sorry or bow out and just get to this finish line but this is not okay! No matter who you are this is your life and only your life! Nobody can tell you what to do or how to do it. Sure the road may be tougher than others but the joy of getting everything in life you have ever wanted will be worth it I promise!

Do you! Be you! Keep putting one foot in front of the other and get out there!

And for those who are still reading I leave you with one thought. Everybody is dealing with things, some deal with physical issues that we can see them dealing with, others deal with invisible issues that we cannot see. Please do not judge someone but the cover of the book. We all deal with things differently and have hills to climb ourselves without the added hill of someone’s judgment.

So once again Happy International day of Person’s with Disabilities!!!