Now I am no professional on burn out, but personally I feel that where I was at last Friday was definitely in the land of burn out. For me admitting this is difficult. It is also something nobody prepares you for, no book really teaches you the ways of protecting yourself from the burn out. Was there something I could have done to prevent it? Could I have worked less? Sure that’s possible but is that who I am? No…

I can admit I can be a workaholic. I have trouble saying no and I care a lot. I worry about things like what if I don’t work and leave everyone short. What if something happens? I find myself working in a field I was never prepared for. I never imagined I would work in the social work field so I also end up worried about not giving enough, being another person who just leaves, not being there when they need you. It really is a juggling act and a fine line between doing what you can for others while taking care of yourself.

I believe I have broad shoulders. I like to think I can hold space for others. What it has taught me is that although you have broad shoulders and old space and even though you are really good at your job there comes a point in time where your shoulders get heavy. Recognizing this point is difficult.

Many will never fully understand the secrets I hold. Maybe could never begin to understand. As my previous boss would say we really do hold societies darkest secrets. I have seen things. I have heard things. I have been there for things that pull at you. They are heavy. They hurt. They make you feel things. Feel anger. Feel sad. Feel disappointment. Feel let down. Lose trust in things you once believed in.

I keep going. I am getting better at holding the weight. Previously, I’d seek poor coping strategies bottle it up, drink it away, fill my body with junk, pretend it was no big deal.

I’m learning that when you lean on your tribe it makes it easier. When you listen and you feel your emotions it becomes better.

Last week, I experienced one of those dark secrets. I’ll admit it broke me a bit. This time around I reached out to my supports, I felt. I cried. I got angry. I then tried to let it go and move on. Last week I worked 61 hours. I was tired but still trying to pretend it was no big deal. My body had other plans. I was out for dinner. I was exhausted. I passed out unconscious. I remember hearing my best friend trying to wake me. I remember not being able to open my eyes. I came to but I couldn’t control my body. I couldn’t stay awake. I needed to go to the hospital. A place I hate….but I needed to go. After many tests and the best service I had every received I found out I had the worst kidney infection. The doctor asked was your back not sore? Of course my back is sore but two days prior I worked both my jobs and pulled a 23 hour shift. Was I tried? Of course I’m tired I work like a lot. I had missed all the signs my body was giving me that it needed to slow down. I chalked it up to no big deal.

The infection knocked me down hard. It had my on the couch for days. I had to call in sick…this is big for someone who doesn’t take days off unless forced. Worked throughout the entire pandemic. Pulled extra duties when needed. I feel I define myself as the caregiver who is a workaholic and I needed this reminder.

We cannot give from an empty cup. We cannot give 200% to everyone else and only give ourself 5%.

This weekend I felt lost I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was off from 430 Friday until 830 Monday. This doesn’t happen often for me. I also had zero plans whatsoever for the whole weekend. This is unknown territory for me. I don’t know how to sit still. This thought was almost scary. However, as I sit here writing this I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time. I decorated for Christmas, I meal prepped healthy food, I had a solo dance party in living room, I walked in a winter wonderland and of course watched my fill of football. I also listened to my body. I gave it healthy food. I moved it when needed. I rested it when required and I let it feel. I cried. I yelled. I journaled and now I wrote this.

Burn out is really. It doesn’t make me weak. It doesn’t make me a band person. Giving 100% to the ones I do. I just need to remember that I need to fill my cup up more. I can’t empty the tank. I will be a better giver with more rest. I need to take care of me. The system is broken but I need to trust the process and share the weight because my shoulders can’t take it all.

This was a hard lesson to learn and accept. As I write this I feel I’m still trying to convince myself this is what a burn out feels like but I am so glad I gave my body the time it needed this weekend and I now know I should do this more often. So if you feel like this forgive yourself. We do hard work and it ain’t easy.

I was given really good advice the other day. Although it may be thankless and sometimes the ones we help will never mention it again in that moment we gave them everything they needed and forever changed the outcome. It is okay to feel and process but in order to keep going we got to feel it, learn from it, advocate for change and put it away in the box….

Who am I? This is something I have struggled with for a long time. I have always defined my identity with external things. I was a figure skater. I was a kinesiology student. I was a cripple. I was the girl with crutches. I was the girl defining herself by her relationships. I was the girl that gave 150% to every relationship even if I got nothing back. I was a giver and I just wanted to fit in. I was the girl with the smile on her face who was losing herself piece by piece to fit in and to make the other people happy. This was a struggle.

I spent a lot of time giving up pieces of me in order to keep the others happy. A lot of unhealthy relationships and unnecessary hurt was felt when it was so easy to just forget about me. Friends who stop speaking to you because you stopped always being the first one to reach out. It’s actually crazy and eye opening for me how many people never seem to notice. Spend just a few days not being the person who always reaches out see what happens. Putting up boundaries and striving for healthy relationships is something I have been working on. I never thought that having a healthy relationship with people also means it’s okay to be selfish. When you having healthy boundaries and relationships you can be selfish about your needs. You need a day to yourself to recharge your batteries. Your tribe honours that. You need your tribe to help lift you up off the ground your tribe is there. It’s a give and take relationship. You get back what you put in. Some days you might not be able to give yourself fully but that is okay to because your tribe is there to help. They will never make you feel bad for doing what is best for you.

Finding my tribe has been eye opening. Finding myself and becoming the person I want to be has been eye opening. I’d say the shift started in august when I went on vacation. I was with my best friend and she had told me to put on this romper she thought would be cute. I had originally thought “no way I can’t that won’t look good on me. I have gained to much weight to be able to wear that. Never” However, she never took no for an answer. I put in the romper for our beach day and to my surprise it actually looked good. She was right. I just needed to learn to be confident and have better self talk. The rest of that week I pushed myself I let her pick out clothes I would never have picked out for myself and I embraced it. When I came back from vacation I felt recharged and ready to take on the world. I started to actually do my hair and wear make up again. I decided that the voices in my head telling me not to were opinions of people who did not matter. I started to push myself physically and emotionally to make this change.

I started to take each day as a new challenge to make myself better. I reached for my drum and sage on mornings that were extra hard. I asked Gichi-Manidoo for guidance for this journey. I sat with Nibi when I needed to calm my mind and I called upon my tribe when I felt like the weight of the world was too much. I started to feed my body with the foods it needed. I started moving my body and pushing the limits and I started to smile again. But this time I was really smiling. I was looking at the girl in the mirror and instead of picking her apart I am slowly learning to love myself again.

Loving myself for all my flaws. For forgiving my body for the shame I have felt. I felt terrible in my own skin because I had let it go. But I forgave myself. I was sick. I was stressed I didn’t properly cope with the lemons life threw at me and that is okay because moving forward I can change that.

So I am going to write here my new introduction to myself…..

I am a strong independent warrior women

I have the power of will to always stand back up.

I have the passion and love to help others

I am embracing my culture and all that it is.

I am me! Powerful, beautifully broken, growing, learning, strong and it is okay to not have it all together. It is okay to break down because I will crawl until I can walk, walk until I can run, run until I can soar.

This is me!

Change, new normal, adapt, flexible…words that I have been struggling with.

For those that know me, know I am a very type A person. I do things in a certain way, I like having a plan, I make multiple to do lists, and I am a workaholic. I am a giver and I will fight to the bitter end for what I believe is right.

The last three and a half months have been extremely difficult. First, I was deployed and working two jobs instead of my one job. Protocols changed every day and we began washing our hands so much they bled. I couldn’t do my job the way I did it before and spent many days feeling completely useless and like I was not helping anyone. I was also forced to throw the to do list out the window persay. Days during the pandemic never went as planned and some days the to do list really just needed to be thrown out the window. This has been exhausting. More so that I really wanted to admit. I have taken a couple hours off here and there but have not had a full day off the entire pandemic.

Today I woke up feeling very overwhelmed and anxious. I laid in bed awake before my alarm went off and just could not get myself out of bed. I had to bring my vehicle to the shop today because someone decided to hit and run my jeep last Friday morning. The police woke me up at 230am to tell me that they smashed my front end, moved my vehicle two feet’s and nobody got a license plate so it would fall on me to deal with. Resulting in a 1000 dollar deductible needing to be paid in order for the insurance company to fix my vehicle. Really frustrating since I did nothing but park my vehicle outside and sleep throw an accident. Anyways, I also have an overwhelming feeling of guilt and anxiety because I decided to quit my job last week after being offer an amazing opportunity to use my education and skills.

I love my job. My job is very stressful and sometimes it feels like it is never ending and work does not stay at the door it filters through. It results in being triggered by the random movies or facebooks posts and sometimes feelings just hit you without understand why. I have been lucky to work with some amazing people both co workers and clients and saying good bye has never been easy for me. My co workers have become friends so I know I won’t have to say goodbye but for my clients that is a different story. Going back to the beginning of this I said I was a workaholic. I sometimes forget that the work will be there when you get back and that you are replaceable as one of my friends put it when going through a pros and cons list of taking the new job or staying with the current job. Although replaceable it still does not make it easy to say good bye because for some clients me leaving them is a trigger.

Today it all became too much and I could not get myself out of bed. I reached out to my strong warrior women and they planned with me and talked me through what I needed and how I was going to get through the day. I went and dropped my vehicle off. Got a ride to work ended up being really early. Caught up on the case notes that needed to be done but was unable to access files and my email was not working. This was too much for me. I admitted defeat on the day and knew I needed to take a minute to breathe.

I was picked up and swept away to the water. A place of comfort. Water (Nibi) calms me. It relaxes my worries. It honestly feels like stress can just be washed away. It was exactly what I needed. I needed a minute to feel the water take the stress away. Feel the water ground me and prepare me for the next few weeks. I know it won’t be easy letting go because I am a control freak and I have worked very hard to bring the program where it is now but I know that I have to make these decisions for me.

Making decisions for me is difficult, on top of the feelings of being overwhelmed and scared of change and the what if’s I feel a lot of guilt and shame. I feel guilty for wanting to make a decision for me. I feel loyal to my job and my boss and my clients. I worry about what will happen later and will everything work out. I feel shame for feeling this way. Many people say when you walk out at 430 it doesn’t matter until you walk back in at 9. But that has never been me. I went into a helping profession because I wanted to care for the ones that don’t necessarily have someone willing to fight for them or show them how to fight for themselves.

I’ve been knocked down. I have crawled so I can walk and walked so I can run. I believe I was knocked down so hard so that I can show others knocked down that it is possible to run again. But even when we can run we still need to take a minute to breathe.

The world is a very different place. It is hard to adjust and change add in changing your profession well even the best of need a minute. Which is OKAY! I keep reminding myself that calling a mental health day is okay. It is okay to feel overwhelmed. It is okay to feel anxious. It is okay to say I need a minute because I can’t bare all this weight right now. And it is most definitely okay to reach out and say help I need someone to help me hold this weight for a minute.

I challenge you to breathe and feel okay to breathe. It will be so worth it.

Have you ever been asked where do you see yourself in five years? It’s always been a question I struggled with and never really knew where I would be in five years. A really good friend of mine stated they stumbled across my blog and said I should write again. I didn’t really know what to write but here we are with a five years later…

5 years ago I walked out of the hospital after 72 days. I was moving into a new apartment on a side of town I had never lived, to a place all alone. I had no use of my right hand and my foot worked when it wanted to and with assistance from devices. Basically if I did not put on a shoe I was dragging my leg across the ground. I had a university degree and just completed my college diploma. I had a summer job however life was looking like it would be quite difficult for the time being trying to figure out a new normal. I did not quite know where I was going and if I could go back and tell myself it would work out in the end just keep chugging I am sure it might have made those days easier.

I found peace in writing about my journey. I put a lot of effort into recovery and proving the doctors wrong. Eventually it got to the point where I was considering myself “normal”. I finished my graduate diploma, I started working full time and life was going on as it should. I stopped writing. I didn’t know what to write. I was lost. I didn’t really know who I was anymore. I was no longer the girl who was a cripple. I was no longer the girl on the road to recovery I was recovered. What did that mean?

When my contract was ending I took a leap of faith and started a new career. I accepted a job in an organization that would send me on one hell of an identity self growing journey. I joined a team of warrior women. Women who are so inspiring and influential that they helped me find the path I needed to be on. A path to my culture. A path to becoming the women I am today. A path of defining who I am and where I want to go.

Before coming to my current employment I never openly talked about culture. I remembered back when I was a kid dancing in pow wows and wanting to be a fancy dancer like my friend Karolyn. I remembered the bannock burgers at school and the awareness weeks we had but after leaving Sioux lookout I never really participated in anything cultural. I was afraid. I didn’t have family I could go to for teachings. I didn’t even know where to begin or if I should even begin. I travelled to Northern communities to work with elders and I was so wrong. I learned very quickly that you can learn and live the 7 teachings at any time in life. That it is okay to ask questions and it is okay to not know.

Slowly I started learning. I participated in smudging, healing circles and a drum birthing. The day of the drum birthing I was so moved by the process I knew I needed to learn more. I continued to follow the path and learn what I could. How to work hide and prepare it for tanning, how to find the medicines, how to honour the medicines, how to drum and sing. How to help others find their path. It has been a crazy transformation.

I believe I have found the right path. I have found the career I can be passionate about and can help so many others. I’ve found myself and who I want to be. I have figured out who I am. Through this process I have lost people along the way and have grown apart from people but it has brought me closer to others that have helped to guide me.

I will leave you with one more story before wrapping this up. It is a story of how I know I am on the right path and prepared to work through the stresses in life. One day a Monday, I woke to the water song play in my head. The song was in Ojibway and at first I did not know what song it was but I knew it was a song I did not know. I could only describe it as the song that is usually sung way to fast for me to know the words to it. I had not heard the song recently but the song played over and over in my head. It would play quietly and it would play loudly over and over again. By mid morning I did not understand what was happening so I asked for guidance. My friend stated that we should smudge at lunch. At lunch I met two of my friends and co workers for a smudge. It began like any other smudge but felt different. When the eagle feather was in my hand I spoke of things I didn’t even know I was thinking I just spoke of a place that will forever hold a piece of my heart. After the smudge we went back to work. My one friend told me that she felt something when I was talking that there was something around me. My other friend said she could see an aura around me there was a spirit there. It was decided that I should honour the water with tobacco the next morning at sunrise.

My friend picked me up the next morning song was still playing in my head and we went to the water. It was still covered by ice but it was loud you could hear the ice cracking. You could hear the top crack you could hear the ice deep down cracking. I could feel the water really moving around me. We watched the sun rise and we laid down our prayers. Later that morning I joined some co workers to drum. We smudged and did some sharing and then we sang. When the water song played I knew every word. I know this may seem like no big deal but I had never sang this song previously. I usually sing with words in front of me as I am not confident in singing in Ojibway as I don’t speak Ojibway but this day the water song flew out of me like it was nothing. I could sing the song as if I had song the song a million times before. When we sang the last word I broke down into tears and had this overwhelming feeling crashing over me. I didn’t understand the meaning of the gift and I struggled to understand it but I was accepting it. That night I reached out to another colleague and said I have something I need to tell you but it has to wait until we can talk in person. This colleague/friend said they had something for me too but it would also have to wait the two days until I could see them

Fast forward 48hours and i have a strong need to go and talk to the friend at work. I start by saying this is going to sound like the weirdest story you have ever heard but for some reason I need to tell you it and I need to tell you it now. I told her about the song and she said oh man we need to go upstairs and smudge right now. At first, I will be honest, I was nervous the last few times I had smudged weird things happened that I could not explain or control and I was nervous she thought I was a little crazy. She did not she just needed to add to the story. On the Monday, the same day the song started playing in my head she was given a feather by someone who could no longer take care of the eagle feather. (For those that do not know, an eagle feather is one of the greatest gifts one can receive. It is used in ceremony it is usually held in the left hand while a smudge is being done and is held when it is the time to speak. The eagle is said to be the animal with the connection to the creator. The eagle informs the creator of the things we are doing). When the feather was given to the person she knew the feather did not belong to her. On the Tuesday she took the feather in and smudged and knew instantly that this feather had to belong to me. During the smudge she offered me the gift of the feather. She also explained the story of where the feather came from. The feather had been given to her by her brother, an individual I had met previous to meeting this friend. A feather with a meaning and a shared connection I again started to cry. We both have strong beliefs in science and hard facts and this was something we just could not understand it was as crazy story we could not make up if we tried. We told multiple people all of who told us it was a special gift and we would learn the meaning at some point.

The pandemic began and we have all been in this crazy world for many many weeks. It is a stressful time, it is a confusing time, it is a time where some days all I can deal with is work and when I get home I do not have the energy to do anything else. I was having a conversation one day with a friend about how the pandemic was changing me. I am a very scheduled person who needs organization and structure but the pandemic does not really allow that. He told me I need to be like water. I had to ask him to explain. I did not understand this he did not know my story but I felt he was answering my questions. He told me I needed to be like water always flowing forward and no matter what obstacles comes in front of me I just need to continue to flow over or around it but always move forward. He said water is adaptable and ever flowing. Water has it’s rough moments but also can be very calm. Maybe this was the answer maybe the song and feather were preparing me to change and be more adaptable and open and to move with the flow no matter how difficult it seems or maybe it was all one big coincidence. We shall never know for sure but it has really changed my mindset.

Times are tough. Circles are small and social distancing has brought us closer to some and further from others but wherever we go I hope that in five years I can look back and be as amazed if not more amazed at how far one can come in five years. So where do you see yourself in five years? Five years ago where did you see yourself going? It’s nice to reflect and sometimes you surprise yourself.

Sorry it’s been so long…and if you made it this far thank you for reading, I forgot what it was like to write again!

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Being told you cant do something or you wont be able to do something can be extremely discouraging but…accomplishing the unthinkable and completing something you never thought possible is soooo rewarding!When I was going through my undergraduate degree a hiking trip or a canoe trip was required in order to graduate. Unfortunately for me I was unable to go because I was too “cripple”This was tough for me….I was frustrated and I was determined one day I would hike the giant and say I did it no matter what..It’s been a long journey but I can finally say I did it. I feel pride and overwhelming joy that hard work does pay off. When you try your hardest to push forward and fight for what you want the reward is amazing.Completing the 60 km with my little family was the icing on the cake it was so unbelievable..so here’s to crossing another goal off the bucket list!

Wow it has been a long time since I’ve been here but figured it was time to get back into it. I miss writing.

For awhile I didnt really think I had much to write about. The recovery slowed I was pretty well “normal”. Life has been good sometimes I can forget what I’ve been through but then some days I’m extremely tired and my body doesnt want to function and I remember.

Today on limited sleep i got up for the gym even though i really just wanted to roll over and go back to bed. But i am glad i went because my whole day has been changed. Today I feel strong and I saw muscles I didjt realized I had. I did the entire workout as if I had slept right through the night. My trainer even looked at me at one point and said do you have an off button can you keep going?

The thing is…if you want something bad enough you can always achieve it. When people tell you that you cant or your wont do something just work harder. Sweat more and get there. You determine your limits. You determine where you can go and how far your willing to push. I have not found my limit yet and I plan on going until I do. But maybe the limit doesnt exists.

Training is easy. Getting over the mental is the tough part. Get out of your head and just push yourself. Your body wont fail you.

Next up in less than a month I’ll conquer something I was told I couldn’t do. I will hike the entire sleeping giant. If only someone could have told me back in fourth year university while I sat at home writing a paper that I would be sitting here planning to hike the giant that paper o had to write might have been different.

That’s all for now….I promise to be back soon xoxo

1.  

It’s been awhile and for that I’m sorry. Until this exact moment I️ forgot what it was like to have the overwhelming feeling of needing to get the thoughts racing through my head on paper.

Life it’s a crazy ride sometimes we get busy and start doing new things and forget about old and sometimes everything seems to be moving sooo fast you reach for anything around you to hold on tighter.

New. Change. Next chapter. Scary. Exciting. Overwhelming. But happy.

2.5 years ago for the first time in my life I️ moved into an apartment alone. For the first time in my life I️ had a place to call my own and only mine. I️ learned to fend for myself more so than when you live with roommates. Here if there was a mess it was your mess and you had to clean it up. Here if you wanted to listen to music loudly you did. Here if you wanted to sit in your pjs all day and eat at weird hours you did.

2.5 years ago I️ was a girl that if I️ saw her today I’d tell her that she was in for some huge exciting life changes. I’d tell her she would make it. Should would grow to love her apartment. She would learn to walk and run. She’d work and finally end up in a job that allows her to put her credentials after her name and mean something. Still crazy to see Tiffany Gervasi R.Kin in Writing. I’d tell her that even on some of the darkest days she’d be surrounded by so much more than she knew. I’d tell her she’d meet someone who would end up completely changing her world for the better. I’d tell her one day she wouldn’t be alone.

In the last month everything has changed for me. New job. Moving. And probably a new vehicle. New beginnings. I️ don’t do well without a plan or changes to the plan. I️ knew I️ was moving. I️ knew I️ was starting a new job but little did I know they would all happen in the same week. Little did I️ know I’d have a terrible moment and end up probably writing my car off. Little did I️ know I’d get approved for what is quite honestly my dream car. Little did I️ know the overwhelming feeling of pride hearing the words of you have been approved. Me. The girl who has been through so much but always tried to keep everything above water. Me just me no help from anyone I️ am approved to buy my dream vehicle.

Today as I️ sit here overwhelmed and slightly freaking out I️ am reminded to look around and take a minute to breath. Take a minute to cry but stand back up and make today my day.

Today I️ take a leap. Today I️ take my belongings and I️ pack them up and today I️ leave an apartment that taught me I️ am okay on my own. I️ am strong and able. Today I️ share space again today I️ start a new chapter. Today I️ fully let someone in and allow that someone to end up being part of my every day life. This week I️ decide if car owner is something I️ can do.

But for this short moment I️ sit in silence and complete awe of everything that has happened in the last 2.5 years of living here in my very first solo apartment.

One things for sure this might be one of the most exciting chapters of my story and I️ can’t wait to see what’s written next!

Life throws you all kinds of curve balls some are strike and some we manage to hit to the fence. Sometimes we walk and pass the opportunity but with a good eye on the prize. Sometimes we sacrifice ourselves for the better of everyone involved. And for those of you that aren't sports fans you are lost. Let me clarify…

In life we don't usually get to go from point a to point b without pit stops along the way. Sometimes they are good. Sometimes they are bad. Sometimes we don't even know we are taking the long way. Sometimes we are so focused on one aspect we lose site of the overall picture until something small happens and you are brought back to the path.

Over the last 2.5 years I've done nothing but focus on me and my recovery. Both physically and mentally that I haven't focused on anything else. The only problems I looked to solve was how I was going to get stronger. Along the way I kept my friends close but didn't really let people in. I left people behind if they didn't push me to be better or understood the daily push that needed to happen in order to get ahead.

I have found that I'd become closed off and trying to find the life I had before everything went south. What I came to realize is that my life will never be the way it used to. I will never get back to the way I was before all this happened. But why would I want to go there again. Going back to an easier time may be fun but where would we learn the hard life lessons and how would we get to a place where you have never been happier.

Hitting major physical goals has helped me hit mental and emotional growth I never thought could happen. I have gotten to a place where I can be happy where I am. I have gotten to a place where I can accept the hand dealt and play the game. It's not always a walk in the park but winning a game is always more exciting when you hit the home run instead of getting the home by error. Beating the best is better than beating the weak. Winning the battles that should break you only prepares you for what's to come.

Without the struggle I wouldn't be in a position that I could begin to open myself up and trust the people around me to share in my triumphs. To find people who know your struggles accept you anyways as push your limits. Push you passed your fears and show you how much you can achieve you just have to keep going. Don't stop. Push the line of fear. Challenge yourself and you will see just how far you can go.

Open yourself up and give yourself the chance to show the world all that you are made of. Find your happy and trust it will be ok.
Just don't ever stop believing. Never accept the limit. Aim for the fences!

For two years I’ve been on a journey at the gym where I have reached many goals and I’ve struggled through many set backs and injury but one thing that always got me through was knowing that if I embraced the suck I would come out stronger. 

Recently, I have been feeling extremely tired and my eye has been irritated. I’ve never considered myself a person who was sick or disabled. I have always considered it just a small challenge I had to deal with differently than others around me. However, lately it has been a struggle. It has been scary I have been afraid I’d wake up the same way I was two years ago or worse. I have been afraid I may not be doing enough to actually keep myself okay. I had to accept that although it was a long weekend and everyone was going out to do something fun I was staying home and resting because my body just couldn’t do any more than sit and sleep. I spent Canada day taking four separate naps and only leaving my house to go outside and watch the fire works my neighbourhood sets off. 

At first I was angry and frustrated that this was all my body could handle but after spending a weekend doing very little and reflecting at the terry fox I realized that this was what my body needed in order to let me continue living a life I want. I was able to stay out and about two nights in a row that otherwise I would not have made it through had I not rested. I was able to spontaneously go with my girls to the states and watch the 4th of July fireworks just because. 

Embracing the suck is really something that Ive learned to live by.  I feel in order to really appreciate and be excited for something you must have struggle and something to overcome. Some days the biggest achievement you might have is getting through the day without too much struggle. Other days you might be able to conquer the world. But on those days you can conquer the world think about those struggles you have experience and pushed through to get you to that point. Everything we do every day gets us what we want. It’s okay to wake up and not want to adult. It’s okay to wake up and not have any extra energy to give. But don’t let that be your every day. Take a break. Rest your body mentally and physically. Escape the negative and embrace the suck but let it power you and push you to achieve awesome. 

Never stop trying to become the best you you can be. Make today your day. 

Sometimes you wake up and you feel tired and it would be so easy to hit snooze and roll over and go back to bed. It would be so easy to just give up and not even bother. So easy to just say f it I’ll do it tomorrow. 

Butttt! There is nothing better than the feeling of accomplishment when you ignore those thoughts and you get up and you get what needs to be done. Today I really wanted to roll over and go back to bed. But I didn’t I got up. I put on the work out clothes on. I got into my car and I drove to the gym. I was tired and slow moving when I got onto the rower but once I finished the ten minutes I was ready to go. Once josh started giving me the exercises I was waking up and now I feel on fire. I feel ready to take on the entire day. I feel ready to power through and get what needs to be done done. 

The choices we make and the voices we decide to listen to dictate the day. If I had given it and decided to not get out of bed and slept longer I would have regretted it. I would have to fuel my body with coffee and drag my way through the day. Instead I feel ready to take on the day without coffee. 

Deciding to not give into the doubt. Not give in to the voice saying you can do it tomorrow and do the best for your body is the way to go. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to take breaks but it’s not okay to keep pushing what you could do today til tomorrow. Because the excuses will keep piling up and you will keep pushing things til tomorrow. Do it today. Do it and thank yourself for doing it. You will be stronger and better off for doing it today instead of waiting. There is no better time than the present.