So I took a trip down memory lane and saw some pictures from my university grad party. Three years ago. Three years ago doesn’t seem so long ago but in this life of mine it could have been decades ago. I sat and stared at the picture of myself and for a bit started hating my current body and wanting that one back. Until this morning when I talked it out with josh and they were two completely different people. 

The girl three years ago posed in a picture with her knee brace off and her friends high heels on. 

She may have been a size zero and worked out six days a week preparing for knee surgery. 

Today I am a six 4 or 6 but I am way stronger physically and mentally than I was then. I have had a major knee surgery and have been completely paralyzed. 

But today I can do a push up I could never do at a size zero. Today I am happy when I look at myself in the mirror a feeling I never had a size zero. Today I strive for the feeling of happiness and loving my body. Something I never did at size zero. 

I guess what I am trying to say is we should stop focusing on the size of our pants. Sizes always change. We had a discussion this morning about how someone could be a medium there entire life but due to the size of the average individual changing sizes have changed. When a girl walks into a store to buy jeans they may be one size somewhere and a different size somewhere else. 

The moral of this story is we all sit down and go down memory lane and wish for something we can’t have. But is that something we want really something we want. Do I want to be a size zero no. Do I want to be happy and strong. Yes! I strive to do a pull up. I strive to be strong and happy. If I never get down to the size I was pre surgery paralyzation I am okay with that. 

Why? Because I love me enough to be happy with the progress. If I keep moving for for progression I will never stop loving myself. 

Much love ?

Ps all I can think of now is the one tree hill episode when Millie where’s a shirt that says zero isn’t a size!