The Unknown!
In February 2015 I woke up with severe pain in my left eye that did not get better as the day went on. I was eventually told to go to the eye doctor and I assumed I just needed glasses. This is when I was told I had optic neuritis which is an inflammation of the nerve to your eye. It was also when the words Multiple Sclerosis were spoken to me.
My right leg started to go numb. Which had happened before and I tried to make it not a big deal. Eventually I was taken to the hospital and put on some serious steroids that made me so sick!
On March 10th I woke up completely unable to move my right side of my body but still tried to play it tough. I was taken to the hospital since I could not take care of myself and it was dangerous for me to be left alone. I walked in thinking I would leave. Little did I know that I would never go home. I would stay in the hospital for five weeks and get transferred to a rehabilitation hospital for another five weeks and have to move into a barrier free apartment.
Needless to say the ten weeks in the hospital might have been the biggest ten weeks of my life. I felt every emotion possible. I was scared, I was angry, I was sad, I was determined, I was frustrated, I had some happy moments, but it was the toughest ten weeks of my life.
Firstly, the nurses were amazing! At the beginning of my stay I had student nurses who did an awesome job of making you feel comfortable with having no dignity at all. Having to shower and go to the bathroom with an audience is something I don’t think I ever got used to. I had one nurse in particular who was a fourth year and she went over and above for me on numerous accounts. She took me to my appointments, she held my hand during scary procedures and she told me everything she learned since I am a complete nerd and wanted to keep my education. I had another nurse bring me real coffee and help me finish my homework as typing with one hand and making proper sentences was difficult on all the medication. I had another nurse who I enjoyed making blush as he made it so easy!
The first couple of days were extremely rough and I would not have made it through without Laurel. Laurel is a special lady to me. She is not my mother but has taken me in as her own and can pass as my mother. As far as the hospital was concerned she was my “mother” as I did not want them to kick her out when visiting hours were finished and they also gave her health information to help prepare me for everything that was happening in the hospital. I will forever be thankful and never be able to fully express my thanks and appreciation. I did not tell many people I was in the hospital as it was a scary time and it was frustrating and quite frankly I was embarrassed about being in the hospital and unable to do anything for myself.
Eventually, I started reaching out. Manny who is one of the most amazing people I know was someone I am so glad I reached out to. He had been in a similar situation where he had to stay in a hospital and deal with the reaction of friends and family coming to your bedside and treating you differently. He decorated my room and was a real turning point for me. He gave me a pep talk told me what needed to be done and changed my mindset. Batman was on guard for the rest of the journey and taught me to be my own hero!
The hospital was an interesting place, though. It really shows you who your friends are and brings people into your life that may not necessarily have played a big role in your life previous. One individual in particular brought me coffee each day of the work week and made me feel like a human by telling me stories about what was happened in the real world!
If you ever thought of giving up the hospital was a perfect time to give up! The hospital was a depressing place full of negative minds and sad situations. I did have one amazing roommate that I will never forget. Edy was the most amazing lady I have ever met. She was 99 years old and just had a heart attack and a stroke. She had lived alone up until this point which was amazing. She was the happiest lady ever. She would sing and hit on the nurses which was always entertaining and her daughters were great company.
Once I had been moved to St Joes that was when the real work started. Therapy was 7 days a week about 2-3 hours a day. Since there was nothing else left to do rehabilitation became my life. I had a friend as a rehab assistant which was also awesome because he would let me watch the jays games on the weekend while working out. I was told I would probably not walk out of the hospital and that I should probably pick out my wheel chair. I was determined not to be in a wheelchair as I would not be able to get around the arena very well. When you put your mind to something you can definitely achieve what you want. Although I didn’t walk out of the hospital completely unassisted I did walk on two feet out the door!
The hospital also allowed me to meet many interesting people. Most of my roommates were cool and interesting and I only had trouble with one roommate. Everyone had cool stories and helped passed the time which was ideal. I met a guy who was from my hometown as well which was nice and he always talked about my dad and told stories about his officiating.
Needless to say, the unknown was scary but the learning experience that I obtained was something I will take with me forever. I learned how to become my own hero, and positive thoughts will always make life easier than negative thoughts. I was vulnerable and I cried a lot but I can say that I was stronger after my stay than I was when I went in.
Always remember: that it is okay to be scared and afraid and cry as long as you are able to brush yourself off and stand back up! Don’t ever give up! No matter what they tell you. The power of your mind is so much stronger than what the doctors may be able to tell you. Giving up is never an option when it comes to life. You got to push yourself and believe in yourself! Becoming a person with a disability is not something that I feel limits me. My thoughts about being someone with a disability did limit me at first but when I came to realize that even if I had to modify things my life could go on and I would do whatever I wanted. Whether that be modifying how to work out at the gym, playing sledge hockey instead of skating, and taking breaks when before I may not have. It may not be the prettiest but one thing I can guarantee you is that I will never give up and I don’t want you to either!